Saying Goodbye

Willy passed around 3pm today.  He was surrounded by people that love him and he fought until the end.  It tore my heart out when he grabbed my hands and begged me not to let him die.  He begged me to help him breathe as his lungs were filling up with fluid.  It was so hard to be there and feel completely helpless.  I hated it and I am trying so hard not to be angry right now.  I hate how unfair life is, he was 41 years old and called me his twin sister.  I go from being completely numb to angry to just heart broken.  I need my happy place right now, but can't go until tomorrow.

Still Trying To Figure It All Out...

I am still trying to figure out how to process my feelings when it comes to my brother.  He begged me the other night to not let him die.  He knows there is nothing I can do and that it will take a miracle, but he still begged me to help him and I feel so helpless.  What am I supposed to do with that?  How am I supposed to feel?  I feel like I am failing him because I can't do anything about the fact that he is going to die.  This is killing me.

Me & My Wonder Twin Flock Cancer

How Do I Say Goodbye????

I went to visit my Brother Willy today.  He has cancer and not much longer to live.  I didn't know what to say when he started crying and told me that he was supposed to be in the prime of his life and he was scared to die.  We are the same age, he is my step brother but has been like a twin to me since we were 5.  My heart is breaking because I have no idea how to make things easier for him or how to tell him goodbye.  I took his Duck jersey to my BF house and he dropped it off with a friend of his who had it signed by the player for him.  He was so excited to get it back signed tonight, but then got really sad and I don't know how to process my feelings.  I feel so bad for him and I love him and don't want him to die, but I also want his pain and suffering to end.